Do I love my kids? Yes. Do I miss them when I am away from them? Yes. Do I feel like I am going crazy when I am with them sometimes? YES!
Today is Friday. My least favorite day of the week. Most people are saying "TGIF" but not me. On Friday I get to work all day and then come home and try to keep my kids quiet while Jason sleeps downstairs which does NOT work so well. I don't know what it is about Fridays but it is like someone gives Riley an extra large size of coffee and tells him it is PARTY TIME! He runs around like an un-caged animal screaming about Lightning McQueen, monster trucks and how high he can jump. He jumps off the couch onto the pillows, each time trying to make a bigger jump. I say "Riley stop jumping and he simply ignores me. Can somebody say Nanny 911! I actually have watched that show looking for tips and they make it look so easy. Just put the kid in a time out until he listens, even if you have to do it 100 times eventually he will get it. Hahahahahahaha LMBO, try that with a stubborn three year old and you get a yelling screaming match that wakes up dad downstairs and only makes things worse. I feel bad that Jason doesn't get any sleep but I don't have time for sympathy I am just too tired and too busy. He would probably say the same thing to me.
I will say the one good thing about having 2 boys under the age of 4 is that you don't need to exercise. I used to run every day for 30-60 minutes and I thought I was doing good. Now I never exercise but at the same time I NEVER sit down. It is ironic to think I sit down more when I am at work then when I am at home. I can't sit down because someone always needs something to drink, something to eat, needs help in the bathroom, needs their diaper changed, needs their clothes changed, needs a toy found, needs a new movie put in, needs help to play a game, needs anything and everything and I need to get it! Not to mention in between all of this I need to figure out how to cook supper and keep up on all the house chores that no one else has time to do. Sometimes I fall short. I used to care, and I won't lie I do still care what my house looks like but when you feel destined for failure it is easier to pretend you don't care if you are living in a pit! I could spend the entire day cleaning and within a day or two it is as if I never cleaned at all. That is a job well done. By the time I am done with the day I go to bed to try and get sleep before the next day of exhaustion is upon us. No wonder people keep telling me I look like I have lost weight. Losing weight is easy when you are on my schedule. You don't even have to try. Sometimes it would be nice to punch out and just take a break for 10-15 minutes or so. If you decide to do so you may return to your baby munching on cat food and splashing in the water bowl. Some people are excited to take a vacation. Others are excited to go out with the girls. Me I am just excited to have one hour to watch one of my shows on television all by myself.
Then just add a few months of sickness into the mix of things. That is how you get a party started! Fun times man! A puke, puke, here and a puke, puke, there everywhere a puke, puke! Riley just periodically pukes every now and then. You never know when it's coming but you sure know when it is here. We are thinking he may be sensitive to dairy products so we will try some almond milk and cut back on dairy see if that helps. I hope so, you always worry when your kid is puking every other day, just can't be right. Also daycare kind of frowns on that. By the way almond milk is actually good.
Sometimes people will ask me, "Do you think you will have more children?" I used to say "Yes I want another one.". Then I used to say "maybe". Now I say "No way!" I feel content with what I have. It would be different if I had a husband who worked normal hours or if we didn't live paycheck to paycheck. I have no idea how people have 10 kids let alone 3! I am so happy with the two kids I have and I have come to realize that this family is complete. I am overjoyed with the blessings I have already despite my above ramblings.....I don't feel I could physically take on another child. Not to mention afford another child. I am glad we can focus all our attention on the two wonderful boys we already have. It will be a lifetime of focus and I need all the focus I can get. What is that bible verse? "He is strong when we are weak." Ahhh I am beginning to understand. =)
Jason got me flowers for Valentines Day which I thought was very sweet. It is nice know someone you love is thoughtful enough to give you something special. I think Jason and I saw each other ten minutes on Valentines Day. It is funny how two people can stay connected when they work complete opposite schedules and never see each other. Throw in no sleep, sickness, no money and a pinch of grumpy and you get a WARM and FUZZY feeling. Somehow we make it work but I won't lie it 'isn't always easy. My birthday is coming up and we were thinking of going to dinner one night together to celebrate. Going out just the two of us pretty much never happens and when it does it is nice. Got to be thankful for the little things.
Today was a long hard day and now I am doing laundry as I vent on this blog. I really enjoy writing here because it is one place I can spew my feelings and get them off my chest. I also like that one day I can look back at these posts and remember just how I felt and see how far I have come. Life is short and sometimes the things we think we will remember we don't. I always thought I would remember every little thing Riley did as a baby but now because I didn't record things I realize I have forgotten a few. I am glad that I can keep track of things and look back and say "I remember that."
Here is a picture of the family. So sweet.
Here is a picture of me after today. I have that warm and fuzzy feeling.
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