Where to start. On August 23, Tuesday, I was involved in what could have been a life threatening motor vehicle accident. My best friend and I decided to take the kids to the Goodview Beach for the day as a last week of summer last hurrah. The kids had a wonderful time, it was a perfectly sunny warm day and us moms had fun venting about normal mom issues. We decided it was time to go and were going to head back to my house and have some Papa Murphy's pizza. On the way home as I was turning at the lights on the green arrow I was smashed into by another car going super fast and it felt like a bullet out of a gun hitting me without warning. There are no words to express what it feels like to be hit by another car at full speed. It feels like a flash but at the same time slow motion and it is so shocking your brain basically goes numb. People are surrounding you with questions, emotions, concern and orders expecting you to be able to answer and actually allow your brain to rationalize the most shocking experience you have ever been through. Questions like where is your insurance card seem to boggle your mind and even if it was floating in the air in front of you, your mind cannot find the answer. You are in shock. Yes you look like a normal person on the outside, nodding here and there, answering yes and no and actually speaking full sentences here and there but your mind started blowing a deafening horn ever since the moment a car smashed into you. You see I actually did have my insurance card right in my wallet that day but when the officer asked me for my insurance and registration my mind was too busy trying to hear through the deafening horn that it cannot find what it knows is there. Sounds confusing because it is confusing.
Here is a picture of the kids at the beach on the day prior to the accident. Wow, I did not know what was coming around the corner.
After the car hit me...I looked in my rear view mirror and saw both kids wide eyed starring at me with the same look of shock that I myself was already experiencing. My heart immediately took a breath of relief knowing my kids still looked the same and looked uninjured after what felt like a gunshot. Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God. Next thing I hear is "Get the kids out of the car." Two men came running yelling at me to get the kids out of the car and helped me grab my car seats and kids and get them out of the scene of this horrific looking accident. It is amazing what your mind remembers and does not remember. I cannot remember one single thing about the men that ran to help me other than there voices and the deep fear in them that made me only think to get my kids out of the car so they were safe. Thank God for those men that cared to come help me.
The one thing my mind firmly remembers is that I had a green arrow to turn on and then BOOM!!!! Everything else seems like a blur. All I wanted was to get home. Get out of this shocking and scary situation and get home to process what just happened. Yet after walking away from this life threatening accident little do you realize this is just the beginning to one of the most stressful, depressing, scary and "put on your big girl panties" few days you have ever gone through. As a full time working mother of 2 boys with a husband who works third shift life is never easy. It is never as planned. It is never reliable. I have learned if appointments need to be attended, school meeting need to be attended, birthday parties need going to, house needs to be cleaned, bills need to be paid, supper needs to be fed and all the basic things we as parents do every day...I cannot rely on my husband. It is not because he is not reliable, able or desiring to do all these things....it is just that he works a complete opposite shift of his partner in parenting and marriage and that makes things feel like trying to fit a watermelon through a straw. Impossible. Impossible because no one is capable of doing all these things by themselves. I mean in this day and age moms are expected to work full time, clean full time, be a mom full time and we are damn good because you know what they say..."We know how to multitask." Man I am sick of hearing that. I thought I was stressed before I had this accident but man did I find out what stress really feels like. The kind that makes your body shake with anxiety , your eyes fill up with tears of defeat, your voice laugh out of being at your wits end and your adrenaline shoot out the roof to help fight this crazy battle of emotions.
After the accident I find my car has been towed to Cudahy, WI. I was under the impression it was going to a local salvage yard to be assessed for damage but I guess the local one was near Milwaukee? Ok. Thankfully I have an amazing insurance company that has been nothing but sympathetic and helpful towards me and helping me through this never experienced flood of claims, forms, statements, estimates and insurance craziness that has my head spinning. Also not to mention that every time you call a different 1800 number there is a message saying "there are 24 callers ahead of you and you may hold or press 1 for an employee to return your call in the order it was received." My hands were physically shaking not being able to resolve things that are so very important to your daily living as a busy, full time working mother with a third shift husband. Not to mention worry about how the F*** you are going to return to work with this awful chaotic mess surrounding you that in your mind was not your fault. It turned out my car was towed to Ham lake, MN which is past the Minneapolis area and my insurance company is paying to have them shipped via UPS to my home.
Now we get to my physical body in the days following my accident. The very first day following the accident I was still in shock. Shock that I lost my older but reliable car that I had just put new tires on, new battery in and a new starter three days before this accident! Its not that I loved my car its just that I took it for granted. It was a good car that would have lasted me another few years and now it was gone. Yes I was mourning the loss of my car and loathing the thought of having to try to find another car that won't make me go broke! That is what I hate about being a hard working middle class worker. You work your ass off and can never break even. Just like any other hard working American I feel I deserve a reliable car that wont make me so broke I can never do anything. After looking at the local car dealership I can see how new cars are for the rich. Used cars are for the middle class to buy and hope they don't get a lemon. Truly I'll drive any old thing as long as it is affordable and safe for me and my family to get from here to there. The silver lining in the car story is that I have retired parents and my mom was generous enough to let me borrow her car until I can finally get another one. (which who knows how long this will take.) If only I had lots of many I could just get a brand new one and be done with it.
On the second day after the accident I think I am ok to get back to work. I hate to waste all my personal time over this mightmare so I drag my anxiety stricken body to work in hopes to save myself a day. As the day proceeds I realize, wow, my neck and shoulders are really feeling stiff and I am feeling really tired. Maybe I do have some issues from this accident. I go home go to bed and on the third day all hell breaks loose. I wake up and as I walk out of bed it feels like the entire world has shifted on me and my balance is all screwed up as well as when I make movement or turn my head it is also spinning. Nothing makes it go away and the nausea makes me feel like I have the worst hangover. So I go to Urgent Care and am told I have vertigo. I am referred to Vestibular Therapy and have to await a call on Monday(this was Friday) for them to get me an appointment scheduled. Monday comes along and I am still feeling like everything is spinning and the nurse calls to let me know they can get me in on September 7th which is 2 weeks away! So now I am mortified thinking I have to go two weeks feeling like this and still try to get through this newly chaotic motor vehicle aftermath, work full time and be a mom on top of it all. Ok my body is beginning to loose control because it now knows it is not capable of this battle. Fortuanatly I call human resources and realize I can apply for FMLA. I can actually stay home through this week and take it a day at a time until I feel better to return to work. That alone takes a load off of my shoulders. Not to mention the chiropractor appointment I have to go to and the massages I decide to get to try to help relieve my constant neck/shoulder stiffness and vertigo. Also every person seems to have advice of what you need to do and its hard to really know what you should do. You are just one person with way to much on your plate. You are also concerned with the bills you are acquiring even though they say it is covered under your car insurance you are still worried.
Today, the 7th day after my accident is when there is a glimmer of hope. Yes the seventh day and I was more stressed than I was the day after my accident (as you can see this kind of thing is not a fast process). I was able to get into a woman in Holmen who also does Vestibular Therapy today and thank God she made me feel so much better. I still feel sore and somewhat dizzy but I feel immensely better than I did and it make things like giving my kids a bath and putting them to bed actually achievable. I am hoping if I continue the excersizes I was taught that I can get rid of this vertigo and atleast get back to the way I felt before the accident. Then maybe I can atleast get through this crazy chaotic mess with some physical strength anyway! I'm going to need it as I still have to get a new car and attend a court appearance to protest a citation that was issued to me for failure to stop at a red arrow . Evidentally someone (according to police a bystander that did not know me or the other driver that hit me) called after the accident to report they saw me run the red arrow. I am not a proud person and I am completely willing to admit if I did something wrong but they call an accident for a reason. No parent in there right mind deicides to run a red signal because they want to see if they get hit. It was an accident regardless of fault. The one thing I remember is seeing a green arrow and it breaks my heart that what I believe I saw is being contested and now I am being in essence punished with a citation to pay for an arrow I was positive was green. So ofcourse I will go to court over it but if I lose I will try to remind myself this is not my fault. I did not choose for this to happen and life will go on. No matter the outcome I will get through this and be stronger because of it. I will relate to other people's health problems with greater empathy and mercy. The greatest lesson I have learned is health is your greatest gift. To be healthy is to be free. Those who struggle with health problems did not ask for them and they are true warriors whom fight battles that most people will never understand. There is a special place in Heaven for those that are sick. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." I am so incrediable blessed to be healthy. I have no right to ever complain. Those that do have the right to complain unfortunately get ignored most of the time. Still, God does not ignore them and they have a special place reserved in the Most High Places when they pass from this life into the heavenly one. Thank you God for helping me to appreciate my health and have a better understanding of others health misfortuanes. Some things are only learned through experience.
Here is to better days and happy living ahead. Some day I will look back at this and it will be a mere stepping stone in my journey upward.
